I wonder if you are conflating "observant/intelligent" (which you want) with "witty/dry sense of humor" (which does NOT necessarily imply observant or intelligent, in my experience). A guy who lives to make wisecracks isn't necessarily observant, so much as he craves being the center of attention at all times.
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:59 AM on October 18 [6 favorites]
I think it might help to stop thinking of people as "types," and instead see them as individuals. But to answer your question: I personally don't think it's ever a good idea to settle for any reason.
posted by something something at 10:00 AM on October 18 [14 favorites]
You're young. Why give up on your dreams now? There are billions of partners that fit what you're looking for.
posted by agregoli at 10:01 AM on October 18 [5 favorites]
Also, this puzzles me: There's a specific type of guy that tends to like me: loner, outdoorsy, very loyal but not very observant. Seeing as the guys I'm crazy about inevitably break up with me after a month, do you think I should learn to love someone with some common interests who might not be as smart as I want?
Are you saying you don't think that loner, outdoorsy, loyal, AND observant/intelligent men exist? Because I know many of them. They might not hold up flashing signs saying "Look how goddamn smart I am" like the men you seem to be drawn to, but it doesn't mean they're not brilliant people.
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:01 AM on October 18 [11 favorites]
You're only 26. You should not be settling for anything at this point.
posted by joan_holloway at 10:02 AM on October 18 Wholesale Jerseys China [13 favorites]
Seconding agregoli. Nothing in your post matters regarding the question at hand except the actual question which is also your thread title. Therefore, the answer is: Keep looking for that connection.
You will find it. You will regret not looking for it. You are only 26 for cryin' out loud. I would give the same advice to someone who is 36; even 46.
posted by TinWhistle at 10:05 AM on October 18 [1 favorite]
I don't think you should settle, no. Especially in terms of intelligence. I was in a LTR with a guy who was not as smart as me/not as smart as I would like and god. I not only never got used to it, it actually got more and more irritating. The guy was nice and treated me well, but I just couldn't keep dating him.
So no. Don't settle. I think you can be flexible on some of your things, and if it is the right person you wouldn't even think twice about it. For example, I always looked for a tall man who loved cats and who was a gym bunny like me. I ended up falling in love with a man only a couple inches taller than me, who both hates and is allergic to cats, and who refuses to work out in a gym. And yet he is perfect for me because he is funny and intelligent and we share morals and values and expectations for the future. We have incredible sexual chemistry and we just click on so so many levels that being with him feels incredibly natural. And yet there are still enough differences between us to keep it interesting. I'm still a gym bunny and he isn't, and that is okay. We don't have to share everything. We are extremely happy, and we just got married a month ago.
Look for a person, not specific traits. And don't settle. If it is right, it won't feel like settling and you'd never be asking the question.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 10:07 AM on October 18 [9 favorites]
Look for a person, not specific traits.
I couldn't agree with this more. My partner is not the "type" of guy I thought I would end up with he is different from anyone I have ever dated in the past, and I'm happier now than I could have ever imagined.
Don't settle. Dust settles.
posted by gursky at 10:13 AM on October 18 [7 favorites]
There's a specific type of guy that tends to like me: loner, outdoorsy, very loyal but not very observant. Seeing as the guys I'm crazy about inevitably break up with me after a month, do you think I should learn to love someone with some common interests who might not be as smart as I want?
Actually, I totally hear this.
I don't really date men anymore, but I have a type: small, badtempered dudes with glasses who read a lot. That type of fellow virtually always goes for even smaller women, usually very sweettempered or feistycute. I'm not tiny, either vertically or horizontally. My opinion is that short, mean, brainy dudes grow up with a lot of pressure about being insufficiently "masculine" and therefore tend to grow into preferring more "feminine" women. (Not saying that this is a fake preference it's perfectly real. It's just that, like most of our romantic preferences, it's social.)
So anyway, the men I'm attracted to are almost never attracted to me.
I have the option of dating women, which I assume that you don't.
If I were dating men only, I would cast my net as wide as possible I'd try OkCupid and every sort of activity where I might meet small mean men with glasses. I'd be pretty specific about what I was looking for I wouldn't go on any dates with tall, nice men just because they liked me. My assumption would be that small mean men who like gendernonconforming people of my physical type are very rare but that some still exist and my goal would be to meet as many men as possible Nike NFL Jerseys China until I met the right one.
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